Fat man's fairy tale

The most advertised products on the net other than beauty and hair products have to be weight-loss products.30-day programs, pills, herbal methods,tread mill, cardio, gym and one Indian channel also sprung up a reality show on this. All my life, I could never understand the logic behind this irrational exercise - until I saw myself going JakeLaMotta's way. Believe me, there is not-a-more helpless situation in this world, then seeing ur waistline increase at a rate, inflation grows in Zimbabwe. Both grow out of control.

Shahrukh’s 22-day program-Kareena’s size zero diet-anorexic model talks- I had seen them all. I also became a avid watcher of all those – teleshopping shows – reducing ur waist in 7 days. Every night, I ponder on how starting from the next day, I would do it all. Nice workout in the morning, strict diet throughout the day and away from cheese, burrtios, pasta....(omg!! the devil in my mind was already turned on !!! -- Stop it !!). My trousers wouldn’t fit me anymore. I had to be careful while walking, lest something ‘tear-ful’ happens. I was super-clumsy and carried the big-fat-pig tag with me. Huh!! I cannot bear it anymore.

Oooph!! I am panting!! Sorry I need a rest. My present size has left me to my heriditary lineage - breathing problems,asthma and what not.A big list to choose from. And my weight-increase was just helping me claim my family booty.

But today was it. After all those failed attempts, I decided. Made a vow to myself. Before the end of this month, I would reduce atleast 10 pounds. Started my day with a bang. I had planned what to eat during the whole day. A carefully worked out diet program - would put Kareena to shame. So, it went something like this: Simple breakfast of 2 eggs and one sandwich. Lunch containing plate of dal rice and 2 chapatis. A glass of milk for dinner.

I was determined. I held myself throughout the day. It wouldn’t budge even if somebody made a shahi-khana (royal meal) for me. Steadfast. The breakfast was nearly perfect.3 eggs. Doesnt matter. Had a perfect lunch though. It was 8 - time for dinner.I had my glass of milk. An infectious smile ran through out the face. I patted myself for the way I conducted myself throughout the day. "Proud of you! you did it. Good start.Keep going."

I was relaxing on my couch. I heard something. It was the 'Stomach-bands'. (I still dont understand how they come with such original tunes). I was listening to them. They were getting better. Swaying me away. My pride was waning away. My mind was pleading me. And the balance on the weights started to tilt. Then came the gambit.

"Hey, why not have a light meal. You ve been true throughout the day. A little indulgence won’t affect.But from tomorrow- follow the schedule. Strictly"

I got out of my room towards the kitchen. I saw the main door. “%^&* off”, I ran. Straight to Chipotle. Two burritos. I could not wait. Enough. I wouldn’t stop even if somebody paid me for not eating.Ten minutes. I was clean. Aaaaah!!! The bands were not playing anymore. It was as if I was having a sumptuous meal after being stranded in a deserted island for years. Silence prevailed.Then came the thoughts.

“S%^&.S%^&” – The curses began. I was livid with myself. " Ten minutes and you ruin the whole day". Something had to be done. Next morning, I promised I wouldn’t be uncomfortable. Won’t be clumsy. I will be what I was before. Look good. Be smart.

I went to store next morning. Got myself a bigger pair of clothes.Got a nice french beard (to hide my double chin). Life was good again. I didn’t fear any more. I felt good. No fear of any ‘tearful’ incident. Clothes suited me. It made me look good.So, it was happy days again.When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. You bet.

It was night. I was contemplating how the day was. Suddenly, like in the movies, two men popped out of my body – One wearing a White suit and other in black.

Mr.Black said, “ Smart decision my boy. Life is to enjoy. You love food. So enjoy it. Don’t bog yourself down with stupid and clumsy problems around you. Make your own way. Problems will be a thing of the past.”

Mr.White said, “ How often..I see meek people like you. Avoid problems rather than face them. What you have done today is nothing but a tame step. A step, only the timid would take. But remember this thing, someday, this pair of clothes would be tight for you, and you would be forced to find yourself a new one”

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My mom says," A problem has several solutions. Many choose the easy one. Few choose the right one"