The blossom of the summer was long over. I was back to the fight – burdened and encumbered. In view of my poor leadership during the Spring, I was demoted. I was no longer the Supreme Commander on the ‘Loranz mountain range’. With paucity of choice, and for better marshalling the resources, the Emperor had elevated Lieutenant Raiden to the position of Supreme Commander on Loranz. I was working under him. Not that I held any grudge against him. He was quite an amenable person. I had known him for a long while now. It was only logic that drove the Emperor to this decision.
But it was difficult getting to used to receiving orders, after you have been the one – delivering it for a long time. It pained. I was just assigned my first task – control of the troops on the west side of the plains. I was given strict orders -Plain defense, no attack. I had just completed my weekly appointment with Raiden. As usual, he was courteous enough and accorded me the honor and respect – that a ex-commander would deserve. I played my part too - respectful towards the orders of my new commander. I spoke little, nodding my head in affirmation of the plans that were being laid out.
I made my walk back to the basement. The moon shone brilliantly. But it was receding. A grin flashed through my face. So, symbolic of the times that I had been through. The full moon of the summer was over. And the receding moon was just reflecting the thoughts in my mind. The summer was nothing but a surprise walk on the bed of roses. But the honeymoon was over. I was back to the gritty world filled with people more adept than I ever could have been.
The long walk finally came to an end. And I was commencing my walk towards the den. It was a weekly thing. The walk was painful as always. Every moment it made me realize that I was now someone who has to carry orders and not the one issuing it. I felt that people looked at me differently. I could no longer see the respect in their eyes - as I passed through the camps. May be it was just my perception, nevertheless, it still was. I was pissed off. I was escaping the eye. Lest somebody see me. I had become a man who had lost his power and believed that escapism was the solution to my problems. I carefully took the by lanes of the mountain. I knew it would be a long walk. But it had been saving me from those known-eyes for a long time now.
Every step I keep in this fun filled day, was reiterating to me, the trauma I had been feeling since I had returned to the basement. I found no other choice. I was no longer the supreme commander. It was gone. But surprisingly the pride remained. It was the pride that was hurt. Strangely, our mental weakness affects us far more than our physical weaknesses ever could. I had fought many a battle, fiercest of forces – my body had been mauled, but my heart stood fresh and handsome as ever. Ever ready to face that fucking challenge, that life was throwing at me.
But little did I realize that, I was just the lieutenant then. And on top of it, I was just fighting the smaller kingdoms - kingdoms that had rebelled against the Emperor. We were always on a moral high ground. It is indeed strange – as to how little do people realize the important of truth when they fight a battle – the question of moral high ground. Never was I on the unjust side – always stood by the truth – by my Lord.
But the war against the Penhaskians had changed that all. Both sides were right in their ways - Penhaskians, more, than we were. And now, after the smooth journey of summer had ended, fall had been summoned by the weather gods. I was falling too. They say, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Was it so? May be – it is true. But I was not tough. My mind was fucked. It was screwed - and mauled in every way imaginable. Not by the Penhaskians - but by the stupid, interactions of thoughts inside.
The same stream of thoughts ran through every time, I made the seemingly long walk to the basement. It was painful. But I was not at choice. I was not a person, who could just take problems lightly, and say, “Everything happens for the good. Do what you want to do.” I could only wish I was. I could only think of Commander Morgan – leader of forces on the Pernivia Mountain front. He was doing well. His army had stemmed that rummage of the Penhaskians. In fact, he was on the attack. I just thought of him. A smirk ran through my face. If only, I could face problems like that. But that was not to be.
The long walk had finally come to an end. God, please continue to look after me despite my flaws – I prayed.
