"Cow-Belt" Politics II

Continued...

Having said all that, I would like to tell that we are closest with the BSP in terms of ideology and the methods of functioning. So, they would be our natural allies. Minor differences would be sorted out.

Q. Media pundits are already dubbing your ‘Animal front’ as the ‘Fifth Front’. What do you have to say about that?
Cow: (Smiles) See I don’t believe in counting these fronts. Neither the people do. It is all media hype and the work of some naïve politicians. Every other day, you see parties opening new fronts. This is not good for the country. And I have told so many times, in my election rallies as well. All we want to present to the people is a ‘Non-human, Secular, Democratic, Non-dynastic Alternative'.

Q. So you are virtually shutting out post-poll alliance with all the human parties?
Cow: (smiles cunningly) I have never said that. A good politician always keeps his options open.*

Me: Thanks Gayatriji for this wonderful interview - A pleasure talking to you.
Cow: (Moos Happily)

My theory of more political parties than voting population has already caused some discomfort in New Delhi. They are haplessly trying to fix this problem. The alarms have rung. They are trying to call PC – PC where are you – we cant find you. Oh!! Sorry...PC is busy facing shoes and sandals right now…oops!! Facing terrorist and executing them in the 26/11 case (For those who don’t know – PC is the Home-Minister of India. I don’t blame you for the ignorance. Cabinet reshuffles and ministry exchanges in India are more frequent than stock-market bears). OK fine then let us call us the PM. Oh!! Sorry PM is busy fighting it out with L.K Advani – quite literally!! Fine we then have to settle for the other PM – Pranab Mukherjee. After sometime, the storm is subsidized. PM makes a few phone calls and fixes the problem.

Do we ever bother to think where our democracy is headed to? India would perhaps be the only country in the world where leaders are voted-to-power-to-rule-us and not sworn-to-office-to-serve-us!! Such is our plight! The media still calls the elections – ‘The world’s largest democratic exercise’ and we just live by it.

*:Thanks Jayalalitha for this wonderful thought

"Cow-Belt" Politics I

India today faces a problem of plenty (read political parties). By the order, they are mushrooming, the day might well come when the number of parties could well outdo the voting population.

Amidst new coalitions and fronts, a newly floated party has been able to keep its sanity well above human expectations. Last week, a cow named ‘Gomata Gayatridevi’ from a remote UP village name launched her own party – Cow Party of India (CPI), in front of a massive crowd. The response was exuberant. Cows from all the country had flown into the village just to listen to their leader speak. Our resources have informed us that Gayatridevi was planning for this for quite a well. Good planning I must say – looking at the number of people for her election rally.

We caught up with Gomata Gayatridevi, during one of her election rallies. She can hardly listen to me. The people are cheering and moo-ing. We get into one of the cow-sheds nearby.

Me: Welcome your Highness – Gomata Gayatridevi
Cow: Hello

Me: What prompted this plunge into politics?
Cow: India is in a very bad situation right now. We are facing problems of corruption, inflation, lack of education and an ever-increasing unemployment. People call me ‘Ma’. I believe it’s the duty of every mother to protect her children. And of I want to see my children prosper; I have to enter into politics and make policy changes.

Q. But people say that the actual point of decision was made during the recently concluded ‘Cow Fair’ in Lucknow?
Cow: Yes, it was the boiling point. A decision had to be taken. Humans had reduced us to being mere commodities. The cow fair was a nice platform for all cows to come together and fight this menace. Hence, the birth of CPI

Q. But you think that in this coalition era and regional politics, your party would make a mark?
Cow: I am a women and a cow. So, I urge all the women in this country to vote for our party. For we are the only party, that truly represents them. Also, we are the only party which has presence in all parts of the country. You can find our party workers and voter base (cows) right from Kashmir to Kanyakumari and from Gujarat to Assam. We are the only National party in this country right now- hence, the decision to contest from all the 543 LokSabha seats.

Q. But would you reach the magic figure of 272?
Cow: Wait for the results. The numbers will speak for themselves. Doodh ka doodh aur pani ka pani ho jaega.

Q. Gayatriji, you speak of Doodh ka doodh aur Pani Ka pani ho jaega. But the problem facing us is Doodh ka pani and Pani ka doodh. How do you plan to tackle this?
Cow: See the problem here is with the middlemen.

Q. You mean the milkmen.
Cow: Yes. We have always believed in giving quality products to the people. And have always delivered. But these milkmen in the middle have tarnished the name of the entire dairy industry.

Q. Do you plan to take steps against this, if voted to power?
Cow: Definitely yes. We will promote the growth of co-operation in the milk sector. Look at what AMUL has done in Gujarat. We will replicate their success throughout the country.

Q. So, you will bring about another White Revolution in India?
Cow: No! No! Why only white revolution? We are not a color-based or a caste-based party. We are above caste, color and race politics. We will bring about revolution in all colors. Why only white revolution?

Q. (I am into splits – but control myself) Madam, there have been media reports that you have been in talks with other parties for a possible post-poll alliance. Can you shed some light on that?
Cow: Yes. We are in talks with the Singh Parivar (SP) in Gujarat, Rhinoceros Party of India (RPI) in Assam and the Buffalo Samajkalyan Party(BSP) in UP. Also, we are trying to expand our talks with other parties as well.

Q. Talking of a possible post-poll CPI-BSP combo in UP? How do you think the alliance will work, especially since you and the buffaloes are business competitors?
Cow: Dekhiyeji. Business ek taraf aur Rajniti ek taraf. I agree that we have differences. But we are ready to bury our hatchet and get together in our effort to serve the people of India. See the nation needs an alternate form of government right now. For the past 60 years, the humans have failed to give proper governance. I feel that we animals should be given a chance to lead this country.

Sab Chalta Hai !

(Written during early December)

It was a day full of assignments and homework. I hardly had the time to complete any of my daily chores. I was neck deep in assignments to even know what is going around. I decided to take a little break. I turned on to NDTV for some news.

The 26/11 trial was still looming large. Processions. NGO's going ahead with candlelight vigil. Lot of support for the victims in the days that followed 26/11. The media were playing some statements by Pranab Mukherjee. My friend (from Mumbai) came online. I pinged him to ask if people were still up on their toes over the latest Mumbai attacks. He replied ( in a manner which characterises us) " Kuch nahi yar...yeh baar awaaz zyada der tak hai ...but thanda ho jaega.."

Suddenly I heard lot of action going around my apartment. There was a fire brigade outside my building. With its flashy lights and honking sirens, it got me outside the apartment. After enquiring, I come to know that my neighbor had barbequed her chicken inside her house, without the chimney on.(Trivial reason for such a commotion!!).The fire brigade went about their work and sorted the situation in minutes. This showed up one more facet of America - A superb system around.But more important than that, a system that cares for its people.

Now, I can understand the confidence an American reposes in his system. I remember after an Indian airlines flight was hijacked in Kabul - news channels went about asking world citizens how their country would have reacted. An American proudly said “ If the terrorists had hijacked even one US citizen, US would have declared a war on that nation…” I understand that its an over statement.But just think, citizens from how many countries would have mustered a confidence even to say that!

But that’s not the end of the story. After that incident my neighbor personally apologized to each and everyone. This goes to show the amount of responsibility that people take on to themselves. Not shirk it.

I am back to my apartment. Barkha Dutt runs a special show praising the resilience of Mumbai and its people. All I can remember is what Naseerudin Shah said - " We are resilient by force, not by choice".

Salute to the Maestro

Declare 24th April a national holiday - so that people can sit at home and watch their favorite Tendulkar innings!!!. On his special day, a collection of some of the memorable quotes about Tendulkar.Enjoy !!

1. Brian Lara: Everybody gets 15 minutes of fame.But is there's one person I've admired over a 15-year period, it's definitely Sachin.

2. Adam Hollioake: In an over I can bowl six different balls. But then Sachin looks at me with a sort of gentle arrogance down the pitch as if to say 'Can you bowl me another one?'

3. Brett Lee: You might pitch a ball on the off stump and think you have bowled a good ball and he walks across and hits it for two behind the midwicket. His bat looks so heavy but he just waves it around like its a toothpick?

4. Sir Don Bradman: I saw him playing on television and was struck by his technique, so I asked my wife to come look at him. Now I never saw myself play, but I feel that this player is playing much the same as I used to play, and she looked at him on Television and said yes, there is a similarity between the two... his compactness, technique, stroke production... it all seemed to gel

5. David Boon : Technically he stands out as the best because of his ability to increase the pace at will

6. Steve Waugh: There is no shame being beaten by such a great player, Sachin is perhaps only next to the Don

7.Barry Richards: Sachin is cricket's God

8.Sunil Gavaskrar: India's fortune will depend on how many runs the little champion scores. There is no doubt Tendulkar is the real thing

9.Jeff Thompson: Sachin is an attacker. He has much more power than Sunny. He wants to be the one to set the pace. He has to be on top. That's the buzz about him

10.Dennis Lillee: If I've to bowl to Sachin, I'll bowl with my helmet on. He hits the ball so hard

11.Steve Waugh: You take Don Bradman away and he is next up I reckon

12.Shane Warne: I'll be going to bed having nightmares of Sachin just running down the wicket and belting me back over the head for six. He was unstoppable. I don't think anyone, apart from Don Bradman, is in the same class as Sachin Tendulkar. He is just an amazing player

13.Shane Warne: When it comes to judging the best among these fabulous band of batsmen, my vote goes to Tendulkar. He has an uncanny ability to come out on top under different circumstances and under different conditions, whether it is Test cricket or one-day internationals. And more importantly, he has done this so young

14.Michael Kasprowicz: Don't bowl him bad balls, he hits the good ones for fours

15.Allan Border: Hell, if he had stayed, even at 11 an over he would have got it (after India won the Coca-Cola cup in Sharjah)

16.Greg Chappell: He is a perfectly balanced batsman and knows perfectly well when to attack and when to play defensive cricket. He has developed the ability to treat bowlers all over the world with contempt and can destroy any attack with utmost ease

17.Mark Waugh: Sachin's better; Lara is more risky outside the off stump.The pressure on me is nothing as compared to Sachin Tendulkar. Sachin, like God, must never fail. The crowd always expects him to succeed and it is too much pressure on him

18.You have to decide for yourself whether you're bowling well or not. He's going to hit you for fours and sixes anyway. Kasprowicz has a superior story. During the Bangalore Test, frustrated, he went to Dennis Lillee and asked, "Mate, do you see any weaknesses?" Lillee replied, "No Michael, as long as you walk off with your pride that's all you can do"

19.Mark Taylor: He's a phenomenon. We have to be switched on when he plays allow him no boundaries, for then he doesn't stop

20.Ian Healy: Tendulkar is the most complete batsman I have stood behind. I saw the hundred in Perth on a bouncy pitch with Hughes, McDermott and Whitney gunning for him — he only had 60-odd when No 11 came in. I've seen him against Warne too

21.Richie Benaud: He has defined cricket in his fabulous, impeccable manner. He is to batting what Shane Warne is to bowling

22.Glenn McGrath: I still think Tendulkar is the best batsmen in the world ahead of Steve Waugh and Lara

23.Geoffrey Boycott: Technically, you can't fault Sachin. Seam or spin, fast or slow — nothing is a problem

24.Peter Roebuck: Sometime back I had written a piece that said that Sachin's the master and Lara a genius with his head high up somewhere. That's it

25.Eddie Barlow: He is Sachin Tendulkar. I hope he stays Sachin Tendulkar. We need a new player, a player in his own way. He has a technique which is the hallmark of a great player. Everything indicates that he will be a great player and I am sure he will prove me right. Reminds me of Barry Richards

26.Paul Strang: What we (Zimbabwe) need is 10 Tendulkars

27.Wasim Akram: Cricketers like Sachin come once in a lifetime and I am privileged he played in my time

28. Gary Sobers: I have watched a lot of Tendulkar and we have spoken to each other a lot. He has it in him to be among the very best

29.Viv Richards: He is 99.5 per cent perfect. I'd pay to see him

30.Hashim Amla: "Nothing bad can happen to us if we're on a plane in India with Sachin Tendulkar on it." - South African batsman, reassures himself as he boards a flight

31.Yaseer Hamid: "Sometimes you get so engrossed in watching batsmen like Rahul Dravid and Sachin Tendulkar that you lose focus on your job."

32."To Sachin, the man we all want to be" - What Andrew Symonds wrote on an aussie t-shirt he autographed specially

33.Beneath the helmet, under that unruly curly hair, inside the cranium, there is something we don't know, something beyond scientific measure. Something that allows him to soar, to roam a territory of sport that, forget us, even those who are gifted enough to play alongside him cannot even fathom. When he goes out to bat, people switch on their TV sets and switch off their lives " BBC on Sachin

34."Tuzhe pata hai tune kiska catch chhoda hai?" Wasim Akram to Abdul Razzaq when the latter dropped Sachin's catch

35.Brian Lara: Sachin is a genius. I'm a mere mortal

36.Mark Taylor: "We did not lose to a team called India...we lost to a man called Sachin" - during the test match in Chennai (1997)

37.M. L. Jaisimha: "The more I see of him the more confused I'm getting to which is his best knock."

38.Glenn McGrath: "The joy he brings to the millions of his countrymen, the grace with which he handles all the adulation and the expectations and his innate humility - all make for a one-in-a-billion individual,"

39. @Wife Anjali: "I can be hundred per cent sure that Sachin will not play for a minute longer when he is not enjoying himself. He is still so eager to go out
there and play. He will play as long as he feels he can play,"

40.Kumble: I am fortunate that I've to bowl at him only in the nets!

41. Navjot Singh Sidhu: India me aap PrimeMinister ko ek Baar Katghare me khada kar sakte hain..Par Sachin Tendulkar par Ungli nahi utha Sakte..

42. Waqar Younis: He can play that leg glance with a walking stick also

43.Allan Donald: Sachin Tendulkar has often reminded me of a veteran army colonel who has many medals on his chest to show how he has conquered bowlers all over the world

44. Wasim Akram: has predicted that Sachin Tendulkar will easily break all international batting records. "He has everything a top batsman needs. Tendulkar is a classic example of a player being so good that his age is an irrelevance" Akram says in his autobiography titled "Wasim". He also stated a number of examples when he and his team were frustrated by Tendulkar's batting prowess.

45. Ted Dexter: (who chaired the panel, the Coopers & Lybrand award as the International Test player of the year) "This year Tendulkar has been the batsman nobody wanted to bowl at. He took Shane Warne apart in India, which illustrates his genius."

46.Allan Donald: I was bowling to Sachin and he hit me for two fours in a row. One from point and the other in between point and gully. That was the last two balls of the over and the over after that we (SA) took a wicket and during the group meeting i told Jonty (Rhodes) to be alert and i know a way to pin Sachin. And i delivered the first ball of my next over and it was a fuller length delevery outside offstump. And i shouted catch. To my astonishment the ball was hit to the cover boundary. Such was the brilliance of Sachin. His reflex time is the best i have ever seen. Its like 1/20th of a sec. To get his wicket better not prepare. Atleast u wont regret if he hits you for boundaries.

47. Peter Rebouck - On a train from Shimla to Delhi, there was a halt in one of the stations.The train stopped by for few minutes as usual.Sachin was nearing century, batting on 98. The passengers, railway officials, everyone on the train waited for Sachin to complete the century.This Genius can stop time in India!!

48.NKP Salve, former Union Minister: This was when he was accused of ball tempering "Sachin cannot cheat. He is to cricket what (Mahatma) Gandhiji was to politics. It's clear discrimination."

49. Andy Flower: There are 2 kind of batsmen in the world. One Sachin Tendulkar. Two all the others.

50. Shahrukh Khan: quoting Shahrukh from an interview
Que: Who do you think as most important celebrity ?
Shahrukh: There was a big party where stars from bollywood and cricket were invited. Suddenly, there was a big noise, all wanted to see approaching Amitabh Bachhan.Then Sachin entered the hall and Amitabh was leading the queue to get a grab of the GENIUS!!

51. Cricket Historian Vasant Raiji: "I have always felt C. K. Nayadu was the best. I now think Sachin has the honour of being the most outstanding batsman of all time."

52.Mike Selvey: "Tendulkar is the supreme right-hander on the planet, a focussed technician who offers a counterpoint to Brian Lara's more eye-catching destruction."

53.The fact of the matter is that India still need Sachin in a big way.All this talk of the youngsters talking over is very foolish.The reason why Tendulkar is so important for the team is because of his ability to inspire others and make them perform under pressure. - Times of India

54. Asif Iqbal: (after India won at Sharjah) "He has given a new dimension to batting. Such dominance can break the heart of the best of bowlers. I was never tired of watching this wonderful batsman."

55. Shane Warne: Nothing affects Sachin, Brian lets things bother him.

56. Lalchand Rajput, Former Mumbai captain: "Even as a teenager he always seemed very focused and alert on the field. He learnt his lessons fast."

57. Tony Greig: "He is cool, has magnificent temperament, and is so mature you tend to forget his age. I can't think of any other example of a player who has so dominated the world before the age of 25."

58. Border: It's scary, where the hell do we bowl to him.
Ian Chappell: Yeah mate, but that's with all great players.
Border: Well yes, but imagine what he'll be like when he's 28.
Greg Chappell: I'd like to see him go out and bat one day with a stump. I tell you he'd do okay.

59.Australian Media: "The most exciting batsman of his time because he finds the right balance between reason and passion, technique and power, nerves and placement and judgement that applies to all tastes."

60.Ravi Shastri: "We always knew that Sachin Tendulkar is a great cricketer, but after the Coca-Cola Cup here, we have seen the birth of a legend. I can't think of anybody who has batted more authoritatively in one day cricket for India, or even in the world except for Vivian Richards."

61. Ajay Jadeja: (after India entered the Coca-Cola cup final in Sharjah) "I can't dream of an innings like that. He exists where we can't."

62.Rahul Dravid: "Playing in the same team as Sachin is a huge honour. His balance of mind, shrewd judgement, modesty and, above all, his technical brilliance make him my all-time hero."

63.Navjot Sidhu: "His mind is like a computer. He stores data on bowlers and knows where they are going to pitch the ball."

64. Mohinder Amarnath: "A complete batsman- he's the best in the business."

65. Prof. R. Shetty, Secretary MCA: "We are proud to possess him due to his commitment to Mumbai and Indian cricket."

66.Raj Singh, President Cricket Board: "I was very impressed the first time I saw him bat as a little boy at the Cricket Club of India."

67.Kieth Fletcher: A little genius. Reminds me of Sunny Gavaskar

68.Paul Wilson: He's better than Ben Hur

69.Mike Coward: Sachin's the best. I've had this view since I saw him score that hundred in Sydney in 1992. He's the most composed batsman I've ever seen

70.Ian Chappell: Harder he works, the luckier he gets

71.Desmond Haynes: In terms of technique and compactness, Tendulkar is the best

72.Mohinder Amarnath: A complete batsman — he's the best in the business

73.Barry Richards: Destined to be a great

74.Greg Chappell: Sachin carries a weight of collective expectation to the crease that few can comprehend. Bradman would not have had the weight of expectation that Sachin has on him every time he went out to bat

75.Many hold Tendulkar's mastery of the craft high above anyone else in the modern era. Even the great Sir Don Bradman saw Sachin as his closest replica, indirectly branding the batting maestro better than Gavaskar - Times of India

76.Matthew Hayden: When Tendulkar goes out to bat, it is beyond chaos -- it is a frantic appeal by a nation to one man

77.Shane Warne: You have to watch India in India truly to appreciate the pressure that Sachin Tendulkar is under every time he bats. Outside grounds, people wait until he goes in before paying to enter. They seem to want a wicket to fall even though it is their own side that will suffer
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Best ones:

78. Cricket is religion and Sachin is the God. Team India without Sachin is like Temple without God.

79.Matthew Hayden: "I HAVE SEEN GOD, HE BATS AT NO.4 FOR INDIA"

80.A banner in one of the games - " I will see GOD when I die. Till then I will see SACHIN.

81.Bookmakers would not fix the odds - or a game - until Tendulkar was out.

82. Commit all your crimes when Sachin is batting. They will go unnoticed because even the Lord will be gone to watch his batting!!

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Sachin on himself:

"One should not compare me with anyone. I have my own shots and the way I go out to play. I have my own game and the way to score runs.'

"When I'm in the middle, the only thing that comes to mind is that I'm a batsman and the team expects something from me and I should be able to live up to my teammates' expectations."

" I (Embarrassed laugh) am a normal person who plays cricket. I am nothing more than that." - Sachin Tendulkar