"Cow-Belt" Politics I

India today faces a problem of plenty (read political parties). By the order, they are mushrooming, the day might well come when the number of parties could well outdo the voting population.

Amidst new coalitions and fronts, a newly floated party has been able to keep its sanity well above human expectations. Last week, a cow named ‘Gomata Gayatridevi’ from a remote UP village name launched her own party – Cow Party of India (CPI), in front of a massive crowd. The response was exuberant. Cows from all the country had flown into the village just to listen to their leader speak. Our resources have informed us that Gayatridevi was planning for this for quite a well. Good planning I must say – looking at the number of people for her election rally.

We caught up with Gomata Gayatridevi, during one of her election rallies. She can hardly listen to me. The people are cheering and moo-ing. We get into one of the cow-sheds nearby.

Me: Welcome your Highness – Gomata Gayatridevi
Cow: Hello

Me: What prompted this plunge into politics?
Cow: India is in a very bad situation right now. We are facing problems of corruption, inflation, lack of education and an ever-increasing unemployment. People call me ‘Ma’. I believe it’s the duty of every mother to protect her children. And of I want to see my children prosper; I have to enter into politics and make policy changes.

Q. But people say that the actual point of decision was made during the recently concluded ‘Cow Fair’ in Lucknow?
Cow: Yes, it was the boiling point. A decision had to be taken. Humans had reduced us to being mere commodities. The cow fair was a nice platform for all cows to come together and fight this menace. Hence, the birth of CPI

Q. But you think that in this coalition era and regional politics, your party would make a mark?
Cow: I am a women and a cow. So, I urge all the women in this country to vote for our party. For we are the only party, that truly represents them. Also, we are the only party which has presence in all parts of the country. You can find our party workers and voter base (cows) right from Kashmir to Kanyakumari and from Gujarat to Assam. We are the only National party in this country right now- hence, the decision to contest from all the 543 LokSabha seats.

Q. But would you reach the magic figure of 272?
Cow: Wait for the results. The numbers will speak for themselves. Doodh ka doodh aur pani ka pani ho jaega.

Q. Gayatriji, you speak of Doodh ka doodh aur Pani Ka pani ho jaega. But the problem facing us is Doodh ka pani and Pani ka doodh. How do you plan to tackle this?
Cow: See the problem here is with the middlemen.

Q. You mean the milkmen.
Cow: Yes. We have always believed in giving quality products to the people. And have always delivered. But these milkmen in the middle have tarnished the name of the entire dairy industry.

Q. Do you plan to take steps against this, if voted to power?
Cow: Definitely yes. We will promote the growth of co-operation in the milk sector. Look at what AMUL has done in Gujarat. We will replicate their success throughout the country.

Q. So, you will bring about another White Revolution in India?
Cow: No! No! Why only white revolution? We are not a color-based or a caste-based party. We are above caste, color and race politics. We will bring about revolution in all colors. Why only white revolution?

Q. (I am into splits – but control myself) Madam, there have been media reports that you have been in talks with other parties for a possible post-poll alliance. Can you shed some light on that?
Cow: Yes. We are in talks with the Singh Parivar (SP) in Gujarat, Rhinoceros Party of India (RPI) in Assam and the Buffalo Samajkalyan Party(BSP) in UP. Also, we are trying to expand our talks with other parties as well.

Q. Talking of a possible post-poll CPI-BSP combo in UP? How do you think the alliance will work, especially since you and the buffaloes are business competitors?
Cow: Dekhiyeji. Business ek taraf aur Rajniti ek taraf. I agree that we have differences. But we are ready to bury our hatchet and get together in our effort to serve the people of India. See the nation needs an alternate form of government right now. For the past 60 years, the humans have failed to give proper governance. I feel that we animals should be given a chance to lead this country.